Letter To A Friend With Fibro

DEAREST FRIEND: Remember what Joan Rivers used to say: CAN WE TALK? Well, since we talked on the phone I've been thinking about you and there's something I need you to know. 

          You are a good person and you are worth taking care of yourself. With our disease it can so feel like all the world is against us and that does not make us bad people. So know that you are good and kind and creative. And I need you in my life so you have to take care of yourself.

           You cannot depend on doctors and you also cannot blame them for your condition. They didn't cause any of your health problems and the reason they can't help you (or me) is not that they are bad people or that they don't care about us. It's because they truly do not know how to cure us so they depend on what little tiny bits they know (like insisting on getting mammograms or stupid stuff like that). There's so little that's known about fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and that is why I try new and different things because I figure that every little help I get is good.
          And also, what you said about hiding that we're sick: well, I'm not going to hide it. I'm going to tell people whenever I get a chance to and they will listen. Because I am a person and I have value and I am sick. Having fibro/CFS is part of who I am (not all of who I am) and I demand to be accepted for who I really am. Anyone who cannot accept me, good, bad and sick, and everything, is nobody to me and not worth being in my life. It is THEIR problem if they can't accept my disease, not mine. And I feel the same way about having fibromyalgia as I do about having depression: I did not choose this but I have it and I will do the best I can with what I've been given.
          Being sick does not make us bad or lazy people and you can hold your head up and be proud that you're a survivor. I know that both of us were taught to be ashamed to be sick and that we were not taken care of as children when we needed it, like when we were sick but that was our parents' fault and not yours or mine. 
          So now, dear friend, you need to be the parent and take good and proper care of your sick little child (yourself). I cannot be there for you in person or I would take care of you so you need to do this for yourself. Most important, you need to know that you deserve to be well and happy and have all your needs met and the fact that this isn't so is the world's fault and not yours. Because the world is sick. 

          So know in your heart that you are meant to be well and happy and practice being well and happy whenever it is possible. That means to do things that make you happy more often and whenever possible avoid what makes you unhappy. Read the Desiderata every day or every hour if you need to (you can find the poem online by searching for the word). And know that I love you very much. VERA

The Irony and The Anger

I have found a healing medicine for my pain: chiropractic care by an affordable and knowledgeable provider who is also a healer. Unfortunately I am too sick to manage my appointments and had to stop going. What an irony that is. I am so angry!!! I feel great anger towards the medical profession for ignoring and/or denigrating my condition. Anger that a significant help is denied me because I'm too sick to access that help. Another irony is  that I look quite good for my age; am slim and wrinkle-free but inside I hurt. Oh, I hurt. Tears of anger ran down my face today as I explained to the chiropractor why I had to drop out and assured her that it had nothing to do with her. My prayer is that this disease will be addressed in my lifetime.

May we continue
to open our hearts and minds,
in order to work ceaselessly for the benefit
of all beings.
May we go to the places that scare us.
May we lead the life of a warrior.
-- Pema Chodron

Not Blind / Walk Fine / I Must Be Deaf

Ignorance abounds in the Lakewood Library where BRIDGET, my assistance dog, and I can often be found We both took it for granted after receiving initial permission that all was well Then on Sunday I was approached by a librarian who, in an amazingly loud voice, told me that dogs weren't allowed I informed him that she is an assistance dog and his reply, given quite loudly, was that she was not allowed in the library unless she was clearly identifiable as an assistance dog Here's an irony: I need an assistance dog for my general anxiety disorder and am being challenged by a staff member in such a loud tone that the entire place is hearing the conversation Needless to say, I would have agreed to anything he wanted just to make him stop shouting at me OK, we know that I'm not blind and Bridget is obviously not a seeing-eye dog, nor is she a mobility dog, therefore she must be a --um, uh-- HEARING dog It registered with me later that the librarian must have decided that my disbility was deafness Time for some sensitivity training at the Lakewood Public Library

UPDATE: After suffering anguish over what to do about needing Bridget with me at the Library, I went up to the front and told a sympathetic libraian what had happened and that I really needed my dog with me She gave me approval and today I checked in at the front desk again with Bridget and had the same librarian come with me to tell the other employees that Bridget was allowed So my solution is to check in each time to get approval; this makes me happy because I very much need and appreciate public libraries!